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Section
2
PERSONAL
SPACE DEFINED
If
you are closer than arm's reach, than you are in someone's personal space.
This is the first lesson you must learn. To create more space in
crowded areas such as elevators and bars, people often tense up and use
their arms as protection. They will hold them close to
their body – often crossed – and will also avoid eye contact.
If a woman you know is doing this in your presence and you are not
in an elevator than she is sending you a strong message of disinterest.
You will not get very far with a person who holds closed postures
so you would be best advised to give them some space, back up a few paces,
and allow them to reduce their tension. If a woman
steps back when you approach her, it does not necessarily mean that she
does not like you, she just needs more time to get comfortable. People
guard their space passionately, wherever it is, and will not appreciate it
if you invade it. Respecting people's intimate space
involves not invading it with objects, like your bag or jacket, or with
body parts unless they are welcomed.
The
need for space is particular to a specific person and is normally a
function of their environment. If they live in a
densely populated area and frequent busy malls, elevators and so forth,
they will be more accustomed to having people in close proximity.
Normally, city people will tolerate someone in their space more so
than those who live in rural settings. However, it is
quite common to give strangers as much space as reasonably possible.
For example, in an empty elevator, it would be unreasonable to be
so close as to touch a stranger (even one you like). This
is completely reversed however in a full elevator, where it is assumed
that some accidental touching will occur.
Being
sensitive to a woman's need for space is a given. If
you act dominant and enter her space without her permission, you are
guaranteed to leave her with a bad impression. All
women perceive men as threatening who enter their personal space without
an invitation and a woman will not reciprocate attraction to someone she
fears. This doesn't mean that you are never to enter
the intimate zone of a woman, but rather, you should wait for the right
cues before doing so. When you approach someone
physically, it is the same as if you were to approach them emotionally,
and you should wait for a woman to give you signals that an approach is
welcome before moving closer.
Never
use positions of power when approaching a woman. That
is, keep at eye level if possible. However, if you and
she are both standing then it would be acceptable to use height as an
advantage. Height can be exploited by men to display
dominance. The king of the castle holds literally in
this case since the higher a person is, the more power is projected onto
them. If the woman you want to approach is sitting
though, it is best to approach her from a bent or kneeling position
initially. Once the woman becomes more comfortable with
you and you establish a common dialogue, then it becomes safer to exploit
your height differences. Your goal should never be to
dominate over a woman, especially initially. Your goal
should always be to make her feel comfortable in your presence and to
break down all the barriers that separate the two of you.
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