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Importance
should also be put on the fact that proximity norms are different in
different cultures. For example, Japanese people tend
to stand much closer than Americans when in conversation. This
proximity could be misconstrued as a sexual advance if it took place
between two cultures, but in reality it is merely a function of
upbringing. The point should also be made that there is
a fairly large range in levels of touching and proximity norms between
cultures and also within cultures. Some people will be
comfortable being close, while others might reject this proximity
altogether. If you are curious to know if a woman's
proximity to you is an advance or simply her way, all you have to do is
examine how she behaves around other people generally. If
she is commonly a touchy-feely sort of person toward everyone, then it can
be assumed that this is simply person specific and is not any sort of
sexual advance. It is also true that the location of
the interaction plays a big role. For example, in a
crowded bar or amusement park, it would be acceptable to stand fairly
close, however in an area that is more open, it might come across as
imposing to be closer than necessary.
Normally,
one should expect that a distance which separates two people from each
other's reach would be appropriate for strangers. Sometimes
this can be even further. It is not always obvious to
everyone what is sufficient for proximity. The point
was well made in an episode of Seinfeld with the "close
talker." The character immediately jettisoned
within inches of the person he was communicating with, turning the
situation awkward. As you approach a woman, be careful
to measure her response. If she moves back, you are
best to respect that distance and maintain it as a buffer instead of
continuously trying to close the gap. As the
conversation continues and the level of trust grows, you will probably
notice that closeness is gradually more permitted and welcomed.
Generally, comfortable distances go as follows:
Intimate
– touching to about 10 inches (for close friends, family, and couples)
Casual-personal
– 18 inches to 4 feet (informal conversation with friends)
Social
– 4 to 12 feet.
A social distance of 12
feet might seem unlikely. However, for strangers who
have never spoken, this is a comfortable distance to speak from.
If you don't believe this to be so, give it a try for yourself.
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